tempest_spirit's Journal

tempest_spirit's Profile | Weight History

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28 December 2014

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
75.7 kg	8.3 kg	14.4 kg	Reasonably Well

(2 comments) Gaining 0.2 kg a Week

31 October 2014

For the writers among us, tomorrow is the beginning of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo.) I'm throwing my hat into the ring this year against my better judgement. But the photography project I spoke about yesterday has inspired me. I want to create something similar through a series of short stories and poems. It strays away from the idea of completing a single contiguous story in 50,000 words, but the project is for me, so therefor I'll write it how I want to.

Today, I'll leave work early to take my son in to get labs pulled. My ASD daughter needs hers done as well, but the Doctor is willing to wait until she goes into the Surgical Center for her dental work, so I don't have to have five people restrain her for it.It's much easier on her and I both if they can draw the bloodwork while she's under anesthesia.

My oldest is having to deal with some pretty grown up topics with her friends at school She has a couple of friends who have talked about self harm, and so she and I had a conversation about how she can help, and her responsibility to tell an adult when her friends talk about those things, as well as the need to tell someone if she ever thinks or feels that way. I never in a million years thought that was a conversation I would need to have with my children, but it turns out, it's probably one every parent should be having with their kids.

Yesterday my self restraint went out the window. I got out of my ASD daughter's counselling appointment, where we discussed hygeine, and different options to help her with her hygeine while accounting for the sensory processing issues she has, and I was really and truly hungry. I probably need to consider keeping a couple of low calorie snacks in the car for those days. I wanted something spicy, and I was freaking exhausted, and had to go back to work. So I broke down and got a Dr. Pepper, and a couple of the Roller Grill dealies at the gas station. And then last night before bed, I should have logged my calories first, but decided not to and went for the ice cream.

Today's a new day though. I get to try again. This evening it sounds like I will take the kiddos trick or treating, so at least I'll get some walking in, and then my husband and I may or may not got to a friends' Halloween Party. An adult party would be a nice thing for us to do for once, but he and I both have had a pretty exhausting week. So it might end up we'll send the kids to bed, and settle in to watch a scary movie instead. I'm game for anything. I think I actually almost prefer the second option, because then at least I know I won't have tempting goodies around to eat, and I won't consume fattening alcoholic beverages. We'll see though.

We got all of our dear meat processed. All we have left is the ten pounds or so we have curing to make jerky on Saturday. I'm so tired of looking at deer meat, I'm not sure if I'll even be able to cook it to eat. What a smelly process! But we're done, and we're stocked up on good lean meat for the winter.

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30 October 2014

I read an article last night, about a project a young woman with Bi-Polar II is doing, showing the dual lives people who live with mental health diagnoses often deal with. One photograph shows a well put-together person smiling, and ready to face the world. It's juxtaposed next to a photo of the same person frozen by their depression and anxiety. It really is a beautiful and truthful contrast. It is a duality I myself live with every day. It's easy to smile and appear put-together at work, and even to a degree in front of my family so they don't worry about me. The problems at work have solutions. They may be complicated, but they always have an answer eventually. Life outside of work is not quite so cut and dried.

I found myself discouraged yesterday after an appointment with the developmental pediatrician. The doctor is the only specialist in our state, and I really don't have a means to take my ASD daughter out of state. I always walk out of that doctor's office frustrated, because I feel like I'm doing as much as I can for my daughter, while trying to balance her needs against her siblings' needs. All I seem to hear at the doctor's office is how I'm not doing it right, how I'm not doing enough, or how the other professionals the doctor recommended for services are not doing enough, or following the prescription of the referral correctly. I'm working long hours, and was thinking yesterda,y I might be at a point I need to look at getting into some counselling myself, to deal with the insecurities of feeling like such an insufficient parent. The trouble is, with all of the professional services my ASD daughter is receiving, and with the activities and other appointments for her siblings, I have no blocks of time to see any one, nor do I really have the money to. It leaves me wanting to just disappear.

I walked out of the doctor's office wanting to stop somewhere and get something sweet to eat. As I drove, and reminded myself I really needed to get back to work, and I realized I wasn't even hungry. I was depressed and wanted something that would at least bring me a little pleasure in life. It's the first time I think I've ever really identified a desire to stress eat, instead of mindlessly just doing it. I managed to hold off until after five, and then finally gave into to a little bite sized piece of candy a friend gave to me earlier in the day. That of course left me ravenously wanting more, but I was able to ignore it.A small victory, but a victory none the less.

I am looking forward to the weekend. I desperately want to sleep in. And if the weather is nice, after taking my oldest daughter to a writing presentation at the library, I think a walk or a bike ride is in order.

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27 October 2014

I figured my fall from grace would show later, after the inexplicable loss on the last weigh in. So this does not disapoint me. Plus I'm getting back on track, and this weekend has been exhaustingly busy. We went on our deer hunt, filled all five of our deer tags, had to haul three of them out of a canyon,got two of them processed, and will be working this week to finish that. And we call this fun! Crazy.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
73.6 kg	10.3 kg	12.3 kg	Reasonably Well

Add Comment Gaining 0.6 kg a Week

24 October 2014

I can already see the difference meal planning is making in my calorie count.

Now to work on stress levels. My ASD daughter seems to be in the full stages of getting ready to turn into a teenager, and she has the attitude and the mouth to prove it.

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