MsWahine's Journal

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16 December 2009

Still Stressin'
Major headache all day. Didn't get to bed until 2:00 this morning, woke at 8:00. Trying desperately to get a handle on stress, but feel sometimes I am cracking.

Today I tried to control SOMETHING by being more prepared with food. It wasn't perfect, but carbs got tossed when my afternoon appointments went too long into the day and lunch got shunted. Ate the protein and the veggies, got rid of the potatoes, drank green tea. I remembered to carry soy nuts in my purse so I could surreptitiously grab a few here and there when my client left the room.

Cravings were more manageable today, but my head hurt so much it was hard to remember to eat. Tonight I wanted something sweet right after I ate. I waited and it didn't pass. So I ate persimmon - carbs, yes, but no fat. I couldn't find the 77% dark chocolate, dammit.

Read a great quote: "Worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere." Amen.

12/15/09 TIMING:
8:30 - 24 oz. green tea
10:20 - 24 oz. green tea & gingerbread
12:30 - chocolate cake & coffee, water
12:45 - soy nuts
1:30 - soy nuts, water
2:30 - soy nuts, water
3:00 - lunch, no carbs since so late, water
4:00 - 8:00 green tea
8:30 - dinner, hot water with lemon

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16 December 2009

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
111.0 kg	0.7 kg	40.7 kg	Reasonably Well

Add Comment Losing 0.8 kg a Week

15 December 2009

Sin Has a New Face & It's VEGAN
So today it was chocolate cake. I waited too long to eat lunch and the vegan chocolate cake at Whole Foods leapt out at me and insisted I take it with me; cozied up to me in an artful manner and got real friendly. But 1/2 a slice was more than enough, with masses of richness in spite of the tricky name of "Vegan." Nothing about the cake tasted even slightly healthy, green, sustainable or vegan. Oy! Sinfulness takes on a new face.

I forgot to pay attention about when to eat. My day looked like this:
9:10 AM Meal
11:30 Coffee Decadence
2:30 Stomach growled, frantically grabbed soy nuts
4:00 ate lunch
7:30 ate dinner
8:30 argument with one's spouse
8:50 indigestion
9:10 secret tears
9:30 stiff upper lip

Right about now the other half of that chocolate cake is singing it's siren song. Fortunately I left it at the office where it cannot tempt me with its curvy folds of frosting, its moist inner layers...good Lord, this is sounding like food porn.

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14 December 2009

THE INSANITY OF THE SUGAR CRAVE
So today was one of those days when I said, "Today I am going to be very conscious of everything I eat! I shall journal it and because I know I am going to journal, I am going to be so very intentional about every morsel that passes my lips." And boy was I ever intentional! Every bit of sugar that went down my gullet was counted then consumed. I got my period this morning and with it came the army of sugar & carb cravings that seem to be the foot soldiers of every menstrual cycle I have waged war against my entire life. Yes. That's right. Waged WAR against. And lately, as I'm getting old and grey and wrinkled (I'm being dramatic; sort of...I'm turning 40 in a month and 13 days...my dotage looms before me), my periods seem like they are truly trying to do me in or at least cause someone else to do me in.

In October I had a break down in the middle of my office in front of all my employees. November I had the good fortune to get a cold and was forced to stay home so no one had to witness the depressed lump I became crying on the couch as I knit and watched horrible romantic comedies that my husband refuses to watch and frankly I never would either except when I'm hormonal and have a head cold and want to crawl in a cave and never come out. This month, at least, I was prepared. I'd never had such amazing pre-menstrual symtoms as I had in October and November. So when it tried to creep upon me last week, I said, "Ah ha! Not so quick, you Mugger of Mirth, you Guerilla of Gloom! I will not be tricked by you, oh no siree bob."

Awareness of the problem is half the battle, but the other part is making sure you know in what form the attack will come so you can prepare yourself. This month, mine came in the form of insomnia. Consequentially I got little sleep, screwed my immune system, and got sick. Sabotage comes in all forms, and it's especially interesting when it's your own mind & body undermining themselves. I expected feeling blue; what I did not expect was that feeling to come in the middle of the night to keep me awake, beating my head against a wall of problems and worries that can not be solved at 3:00 in the morning in the dark hours of pre-dawn.

Ah well. Tomorrow is another day. Onward! Forward! Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...(stealing shamelessly from Shakespeare).

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12 December 2009

FIRST ENTRY
Tough week = sick kid, insomnia, end-of-year deadlines & production numbers at the office = sick me. I am sitting here with a stuffed nose, chapped lips and I should probably be wearing socks so my feet would be less like ice cubes and more like feet, but instead I am sitting here sniffling. My 2.5-year old is running around the house and I need to get her to bed. I need to drink more liquid. Another thing to add to my immediate To-Do-List...as soon as I finish this. NOTE TO SELF: put on socks, get kid in bed, drink more tea. END NOTE.

I thought I might write about what I ate or how I felt about eating things I "shouldn't" have eaten or the fact I didn't exercise much this week due to my sniffley-nosed status. But all of that is so, I dunno, not the point for me, I suppose. More to the point is the fact that I'm sitting at a computer that has no sound in a very uncomfortable chair and my daughter is throwing things in the living room at her auntie and my feet really are damned cold which I think is making my nose more sniffley. All this is going on and I'm wondering how inane my first entry is. And I figure, "What the hey. Life is that way." You run out of time to talk about anything other than your cold feet and your sniffley nose.

I will interject, however, to say that my daughter just came in to ask me if she could watch a movie. And the way her pajamas looked on her butt and her curly-headed cuteness asking me whilst saying, "Please" all polite and proper made me just realize that sometimes having cold toes and a sniffley nose aren't half bad when you love someone as much as I love her.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
111.5 kg	0.3 kg	41.2 kg	Poorly

Add Comment Losing 0.3 kg a Week

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