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pamBA
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Weight History
161 to 165 of 180
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07 March 2010
M,
I was just dreaming of you calling me, saying, I'm sorry, I will go over there and pick you up.
It hurts so much to dream of you wanting me back.
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07 March 2010
Today I woke up feeling much better. M, I do remember of you at least dozen times per hour but now I know I will get over you. Eventually I will.
M, thanks to you I will stop crying, I will stop overeating, I will stop waiting and waiting for you to love me back.
Now I can really take care of myself and that is thanks to you.
This journal is my only contact with you because I know you will never find it and if you do you won't understand english anyway.
I will take a bath, lots of soap in my face. I need to look pretty, to feel pretty.
I do regret you don't love me anymore but I am sure somebody will.
I love you
P
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06 March 2010
Eating? God, no.
I feel sick.
M
I still think you will call me. You won't, I know... but I don't want to believe that, it's just too painful.
I used to dream I would have your baby. I did. You were beside me, touching my big belly. In love. Really in love.
You know what? I will have that. Not with you. But someone else will be there for me.
I need you. I miss you. Your touch your smell.
Even your kiss.
P
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06 March 2010
I know this is not the place, but I need to tell this to someone. Here it goes.
Dear M:
Yesterday you left me. We broke up. Almost 2 years of happiness and sorrow... lots of sorrow.
I knew this was going to happen, I didn't want it to happen though. I am so in love with you I can hardly breathe.
I am still hoping you will call me back and tell me: "Hey, I'm sorry, I love you, please don't leave me".
But that won't happen and I need to face it.
I wanted to have a family, you didn't. I wanted to live with you for the rest of my life, you didn't. I was not good for you, I was trouble. You wanted peace. You hated problems from day one and I was never able to solve them.
I was getting better. I am take my meds every night, go to my doctor, to my therapist... and just when I was getting better you decide its enough... No more me.
I miss you already. I love you and hate the fact you don't love me back. I though you were the one.
Love you, madly,
P
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06 March 2010
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
77.2 kg
1.8 kg
12.2 kg
Poorly
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Gaining 0.2 kg a Week
pamBA's Weight History
View Complete History