ecm2008's Journal

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16 April 2008

2nd day of getting up and getting my bootie on the treadmill. Then I did some sit ups and some arm/back exercises. This is my pat on my back. I need to focus on this today, and focus that I am doing it and remind myself that it is going to come off slowly, and the belly roll will come off--just not overnight. I saw a picture of myself from Sunday yesterday, and it would also be nice to have one chin again. But those kinds of thoughts just get me down. That's what I want--just to be able to have my picture taken and not worry about it being crappy and/or look at it and have it put a smile on my face, not make my stomach drop and make me think how far I have to go. So I already got myself one step closer. I need to find a good picture of me and hang it up and focus on that.

I need to get the 8 kernels of smartfood and 1 triscuit--oh and one junior mint that I ate yesterday off my chest. So now it's off.

OK. Onward with a good day. Onward to ace my interview...

14 April 2008

14 April 2008

Weight: Lost so far: Still to go: Diet followed:
76.7 kg 2.7 kg 10.9 kg Reasonably Well
   (3 comments) Losing 4.8 kg a Week

13 April 2008

Today I had a chat with sis and I think that will help me keep myself honest. I am going to try to--I need to figure out how to enter my food on this site in an effort to be honest with myself. I am trying to watch my portions and realize what I am putting in my mouth. In talking to MM I realize that I am have been pretending and lying to myself when I think I can just sort of eat sort of healthy and not be active and the weight will drop off. When I was at my "thinnest" before, as I was thinking about today, I was going to curves, swimming, walking, eating sb, and working. Now I can't be bothered to leave the house half the time. That is not ok. And eating veggies is not going drop 20, no 30 pounds that I need to lose. So talking about it hopefully will help and reading more entries and figuring out how this site works will hopefully help. I think about how I felt after my interview on Friday--just confident and secure and excited about the future, and it's those times that I just think, "That is who I am, this body does not represent the ECM that's inside." And then I get frustrated because I have been "cheating" or eating like a fat kid or not excercising and I just think why why why why couldn't you have had some will power, and then I feel like a fatty and go get something to eat. That trend is DONE. I think I have reached a level in this job search thing, in this post pc readjustment thing, that instead of a challenge sending me downward, I will go the other way, and a challenge will make me go forward. Today I guess I realized something has to give, because whatever I have been doing is not working. That's confirmed. So why not try something different, admit to myself that I am over weight, that I don't like to be in this body, and I don't like how it makes me feel and think and spiral down, how it makes me go glass-half-empty about certain things when I am the biggest glass-half-full girl ever. I just want a little improvement. I want to break into the 160's, or to see some of the belly roll go down. Or to have my pants feel a little bit looser. So I will be honest with myself this week and write all of my food down, and just get more active. And I know once I start I'll feel better. I don't want another event to pass by that I said, "I'll be 'skinny' for that." only to still be--well, not skinny. I am ready to take "lose weight" off my list of things to do. You'd think I would have crossed it off after 15 years. I just want to be done with worrying about it so I can focus on the good and the great that is in my life, which is a lot.

12 April 2008



ecm2008's Weight History


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