LaraStar's Journal, 04 Feb 12

You shouldn't cancel on your friends, Lara. You need your friends. I'm sure they'd understand if you make somewhat different choices in food. Enjoy the weekend.  

Heather...I agree, it would be really bad to cancel on friends because of food! Mine like eating out, so does my husband. One night out a week is the maximum I am comfortable with but that means I have to be really really good the other six days. Or order salad and only have one small glass of wine. As much as I enjoy my healthy eating, I don't like how it makes me obsessed and anxious when I eat out. I prefer to eat at home but don't want to lose out on my social life. Any ideas? 

Lara - a few things I've tried along the way, that have helped me...are... have a protein before leaving the house. Some chicken strips, a hard boiled egg, beef, pork, turkey...whatever. Then when you get where you are going... make the FIRST thing you eat... another protein. (it's like a built in appetite control to the brain!). Practice being done when you are not quite full... and ask for the rest to be boxed. Request your hubby and friends to perhaps move to a new location... like a high top at the bar or whatever, where you will enjoy a glass of wine.. but you will limit it (especially while you are in the 'weightloss' phase of what you are doing) to one glass. After that... just naturally switch to water w/ lemon.. and be the designated driver! If at all possible..try to transition this night of fun out of the bar, club or restaurant... and on to a more active group activity.. such as bowling, or walking on city streets and window shopping, or back to your place for a great game of cards or something. Make socializing about the people, not about the food. You'll enjoy yourself more, and in time when you are in Maintenance you can lighten the grip on the reins a bit.. but you will always feel in control. How MANY times a week you do this.. is more important than the limitations at one time. EATING OUT too many times a week can break down your resolve very easily. Too many great smells, someone else is cooking.. it just becomes a welcomed luxury, that while trying to lose.. is detrimental. So a 'date night' w/ friends.. very nice... a bunch of them per week.. not so good! ;) Much Love. And hope that helps. 

I have been asking for a Jug of water for the table, and drinking that between alcoholic drinks. If I am in a pub I sometimes have white wine spritzer - much lower (White wine and soda). Or I have vodka and diet tonic and then just diet tonic (tend to alternate them - not that much difference in taste - plus when you are on a diet, you get drunk quicker so need to be careful). For me, the drink is trickier than the food. 

Thanks for the tips. Despite good intentions, I give in to peer pressure too easily. I am not a big drinker, a small glass of wine is enough for me and I can spot the best options on the menu. But being surrounded by people who love to eat is difficult. I am happy with one drink and a healthy main dish, no dessert and I always drink lots of water. My friends and husband have starters, mains, dessert and at least half a bottle of wine each. Can you imagine me sitting between them like a spoil sport? I don't want to go on about my diet and how I don't eat this or that. I feel bad to say no to everything they offer and I would much prefer to stay at home. 

Lara - based on what you just wrote - I think this is much more 'psychological' than it is about your way of eating. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman! And you have every right, and reason to want to eat healthy for yourself - and - enjoy your husband and friends during a night out! But food and drink do not have to equate a good time. If you ward off major hunger by the protein suggestions... then you can have a bite - and enjoy it - talk and laugh and enjoy that - and maybe then have another bite of something else. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing proposition. And how would that spoil their fun, or their conversations... for you to eat what you want, and not eat what you don't want. ??? If you are truly happy with your own choices, then who is eating what... really shouldn't be of that much concern to anyone. I do hope you'll experiment w/ a few of these ideas and see how you can incorporate them into your outings. You may find it's no big deal at all.  

Paula you are right, it is psychological. I know what is good for me and what and how much I want to eat. But the pressure is on to keep up with others especially what the drinking concerns. Some people can't accept that others don't drink as much. Maybe it's just me but sometimes I think people are watching how much I eat or drink. I really don't like talking about my diet to others and sometimes it's easier to have a starter or dessert instead of long explanations why I am happy with my salad. But next time I will say "No"! 

Agree with Jsfantome.... It is a psychological (glad Jsfantome wrote that, so I knew how to spell it LOL) issue. I am 100% sure you would not be spoiling everyone else's enjoyment and fun. Smile, be happy and converse - that's what makes a good social occasion, NOT what food and drink you are choosing - that is your issue - not theirs. You are spoiling your evening, for yourself and those around you, because you are stressing about what you eat and drink. If they are "pressurising" you into over indulgence - that is something else altogether, and maybe you should re-think your friendships. Please, please do not give up on social events, because you are concerned about the food and drink involved - just ENJOY the company and conversation and make sensible choices in both food and friends x 

Good point about stressing over food, Skinny. That's exactly what it feels like. Next time, I will concentrate on the company and not the food. I only have one friend who drinks even less alcohol than me. The others (and my hubby) are not alcoholics but sharing a bottle of wine between two people is more than I would choose to drink. I have noticed that it is very common for people not to accept that someone will only have one small drink all night. It really drives me mad! Sometimes I fill my glass and sip on it for an hour because if I drink faster, it gets refilled. But warm white wine is not so nice :( 

Is your husband at all aware of how you are feeling? Do you talk about any of this with him...when you're home and away from these social moments? Perhaps if he understood that just for right now.. you'd like to rein in a few things while you're making progress toward your goals, and so a slow sipped glass of wine allows you to enjoy the evening - without feeling pressured to have more (so others seem more comfortable to enjoy drinking more.) It's a rather common social issue.. those that eat want others to eat, and enjoy.. those that drink want others to enjoy it with them.. but if you are clear, and confident in how you approach this issue w/ hubby, you should be able to bring him onboard w/ his support. Certainly he would want you to work at your goals, be happy about your own choices, understand some of these choices are for TODAY - and somewhat temporary - ??? One can hope, right? Well, if he is open minded.. I would talk to him while at home and not 'in' one of these situations.. but in advance of one. 

Paula, we have had this conversation about alcohol for years. I have never been a big drinker, my hubby thinks nothing of drinking half a bottle of wine or more when eating out, not at home though. If I order a glass of wine and he would like to drink 2 or 3, it makes more sense to order a whole bottle between us. And as you said, people who eat and drink a lot feel more comfortable when others do too. I think I just have to be clear from the start, that I will only be drinking one glass. He then usually orders a beer for himself. Thanks for your support, I WILL put my foot down next time! Much love Lara 

LaraStar, I know exactly where you're coming from. It's a bad thing to feel relieved when a dinner out falls through but I've experienced that any number of times because it does require a lot of planning and discipline to stay on track. And realistically, our social lives DO tend to revolve around food to a considerable extent. If you only do it once a week, then I would say a little splurge won't hurt- a glass of wine and a few bites of a shared appetizer and dessert along with your healthy entree. Apparently, even on the Biggest Loser they have a high calorie day every week (2,000 for girls, as opposed to their normal levels of 1200). More than once a week and it gets tough. I find drinks out are easier to handle than a full meal (which usually includes drinks too!) and maybe you can do some social events over coffee or brunch, since breakfast foods tend to be lower cal (omelettes, fresh fruit- even eggs benedict isn't so bad if you limit your portion of hollandaise sauce). I think it's a balance we'll always have to work on. Your suggestion with your husband to encourage him to order a beer instead of a bottle of wine is a good strategy!