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God said he made us in his likeness, that WE are just like him. Why is it then that my reflection is cause for ridicule and my body, SHAME? I see your steeple in the distance, but the steps they seem so far. It would take a miracle for me to make it there, for I am as big as a car. Is this what you had planned for me, when you brought me to this earth? To live a life of pain and torment, for being round since birth....
MIKAYLA AND BRENDON
I wondered where they had run off to. Sapphire hardly knew her cousins but they were tied at the hip the instant they got together. Sapphire is the oldest of the the three, at nine, Brendon is eight, and Mikayla is right behind him at seven. Seven, Eight, Nine, in perfect order, they were instant friends and they were also GONE. "Hey Mando, have you seen the kids?" Mando scanned the park quickly before answering casually, "Yes, I saw them just a few minutes ago. I think they went that way." He was right, I could see them, they were safe but had wandered beyond my comfort zone. "I am super careful with Sapphire," I admitted to Mando feeling like an over protective nut, "She is a beautiful little girl and it is my biggest fear that someone will take her." Mando laughed at this, and said, "I don't worry about my two all that much. They are both so heavy no one would be able to pick them up, let alone take them."
It is true, Mikayla and Brendon are not exactly "small", Sapphire looks like a twig between the two of them. Brendon is solid, but I would not yet call him fat. At eight years old he is already one hundred pounds but his weight is evenly distributed so it looks natural. He has the build of a football player, and with the right guidance and exercise, I imagine that he will be a force to be reckoned with on the field someday should he ever decide to play. He reminds me a lot of my husband actually. Ricardo played football throughout high school, and also has a build that leaves him on the edge of being fat. We are a family genetically predisposed to obesity on BOTH sides.
Mikayla, unlike Brendon, is already visibly fat. While she weighs in nearly twenty pounds lighter than her brother, her weight comes is the shape of a circle. She is a BEAUTIFUL little girl, with thick black curls that frame cheeks that look like they were made to squeeze. Her size, in all honesty, is the first thing you notice when you look at her, but it is quickly forgotten once you look at that face. Her smile is infectious, like her laugh, and it complimented by dimples that are as charming as they are deep. I made it a point to see how often I could make her giggle because each time she did I felt my heart swell a little more. Mikayla reminds me a whole lot of myself, though I will give her even more credit than that, by admitting that she has way more strength than me despite her still tender age. Mikayla was born round, in fact, it wouldn't not surprise me at all if her mom were to describe her as bouncing out of the womb. I remember hoping that she was just a chunky baby that would eventually grow into herself. She did grow, but instead of growing up, she grew out. It seems that God intended her to be that way, and so he blessed her with a personality that is just as large as she is. Mikayla is a firecracker, and has a wit that stings like a whip if you are not quick enough to jump clear of it. I would have never suspected that her weight bothered her, nor was it something that bothered me, until just recently.
I began to suspect that her weight had become a problem during our very first night on vacation. Kashi, their dad's girlfriend of several years, admitted to me in a whisper that Mikayla had been in a panic over wearing her swimsuit. She did not want her cousin Sapphire to see her, because she was embarrassed that their bodies were so different. Thankfully for all of us, the allure of the ocean waves took away all of the trepidation that she had been having, and it wasn't long until all three body types were joined together on the beach having fun. Kashi and I remained behind to watch, talking further about Mikayla's weight. "I feel so bad for her," Kashi admitted, "People are starting to tease her, and it makes her so sad. I don't know what to say to her so I tell her that she does not need to worry about her weight yet. I tell her that she is too young to worry about things like that, and that it will all work out." I could feel the love and concern radiating from Kashi, and while I did not contribute much to our very brief conversation I did have several thoughts.
My first thought was how very lucky it was that Mando had found Kashi in the first place. She is the perfect addition to our family, and a compliment to both Mando as a companion, and to Trisha, Mando's ex, as another positive and loving influence in their children's lives. Trisha, the children's mother, is someone that I also greatly admire, and while I am sad that the two did not make it as a couple, I find great comfort in knowing that Mando had the good taste to now be dating someone with the same impeccable character as the children's mother. My second thought was devoted to Mikayla. I wondered "WHEN it is an appropriate time for a young child to be concerned with their body and weight? If now was not the right time, then when would it be? When she is too round to walk around the block, or after the children at school have left her so beaten by their insults and teasing that she could no longer hold the weight of her own head to stand proudly? I did not contribute much to the conversation because I did not have the answers to my own questions. Instead, I found myself in the same boat as Kashi, wanting desperately to help, but sadly lacking in the ability to do so. While Mikalya is someone that I already love dearly, she is NOT my own child, and therefor there is little I can do to help her. I wondered if it was even appropriate to talk to her about weight. I decided instantly that it was not, and so in that moment I chose to do NOTHING but pity her. I was disgusted my choice to not take action, but I knew that I would not take lightly someone giving my own daughter advice on health and nutrition. This was not my place, and yet I felt like it should be, because true love is being willing to take action against adversity. I never needed to make the choice on my own, Mikayla made it for me. Later that first night, I walked hand in hand with my adorable little niece along the boardwalk. Sapphire and Brendon had run ahead, leaving me to enjoy a little one on one with Mikayla. I asked a million questions as we walked along the surf, making sure that none of them related to food or weight. "Do you play sports?" I asked. "No, people tell me I am too fat to play sports.", she answered. I was enraged to hear her say that, but I quickly checked my emotions, choosing instead to use the opportunity to give her a different perspective. I did not tell her she was capable of playing sports while being fat, though I very well could have gone in that direction. "Mikayla, I was a fat six months ago. You do not have to be fat." I stopped walking and pulled out my cell phone. "I am writing a blog about my weight loss journey so that I can help other people live healthier lives. Here, let me show you what I used to look like." Mikalya took my phone from me and said in wonder, "That is you?? Your butt is BIG!!!" She started laughing, and I could not help but laugh right along with her. My butt was pretty damn big. Before I could say another word to her, she was off running ahead of me, laughing. "Hey Brendon, Amber used to be fat." I stood there, suddenly alone on the boardwalk, wondering if she had even heard me tell that she COULD be different.
It was several days later that I got my answer. Ricardo had driven to pick them up so they could spend the day with us. We let the kids choose where they wanted to eat lunch and The Olive Garden was their unanimous choice. I personally LOVE the Olive Garden, but I felt instantly anxious to be eating there, despite our vacation. My favorite dishes are of course, the ones with the highest calorie counts, and I am not the kind of girl who goes out to eat and orders a salad. This lunch was going to be costly, and my one and only pair of jeans did not allow any room for growth. We sat down at the table, all of us hungry, wanting everything on the menu. "What do you guys usually order?" I asked Brendon and Mikayla. "We like the chicken fettuccine." They both said in unison. "Is that healthy auntie Amber?", Brendon asked. "Well, the chicken is healthy, but the sauce is loaded with fat, and if you eat too many noodles, they can be bad for you. I generally stay away from pasta." Mikayla's face dropped in disappointment. I quickly went on to elaborate, "You both have long lives ahead of you, and it is not realistic for you to give up all of the foods that you love, especially when you are being treated to lunch by your aunt and uncle. The trick when you are having a treat, and meals like this SHOULD be a treat, is portion control. Do you see this small bread plate here?? That is the correct portion, NOT the giant bowl they put in front of you. The bread sticks you are eating are 200 calories each, and the soda's you are drinking are filled with sugar and even more calories. An easy change you can make in your life, if you want to be healthier, is to drink WATER instead of juice or soda. That one small change can make a HUGE difference in your life and health. If you give up soda you can eat a little more food, and I personally would rather eat more so water is an easy choice for me to make." I smiled at them both, so proud and excited that they were asking these questions. "Isn't juice good for you?", Mikayla asked. "Actually, No.", I answered, "Juice has vitamins, but it is filled with sugar that is later stored as fat." Eating fruit is a better option. I drink water, ALWAYS."
They wanted to know about EVERYTHING, asking me so many questions that I often did not have a chance to finish answering before they fired off a new one. "Can I eat this, Can I eat that, What do you eat auntie?" I was careful when I explained my high protein diet, because they are both still growing, and I know that my diet is not necessarily balanced. "Well, you know my chicken here, RUBBER, my friends gave me my chicken because I eat a TON of chicken. It is one of the healthiest things you can eat. When I first started losing weight I was hungry all the time, and the great thing about chicken is that you can eat a lot of it and not get fat. Brendon almost shot out of his seat like a rocket, he was so excited. "My mom takes me to KFC all the time!! I LOVE chicken!!! Is fried chicken OK??? "Yes, fried chicken is OK, but baked chicken is best. The breading they use to fry the chicken is VERY bad for you, and filled with a lot of fat and empty calories. When your mom takes you to KFC all you have to do is take the skin and outside breading off. I think KFC also sells baked chicken, and that is a healthier alternative. Do you guys eat out alot?" "Yes," replied Mikayla, her shoulders were starting to sink again. "My mom does not buy chicken very much. We eat pizza a lot. She is busy." I could tell that Mikayla was starting to feel hopeless so I quickly shot her a reassuring smile and said, "I understand busy very well. It is hard being a grown up, and we are just people. We are not perfect. The only reason Sapphire is so skinny is because I forget to feed her. Ask your mom if she can pick up a couple of rotisserie chickens from the grocery store. We get those a lot. Does your weight really bother you Mikayla?" I asked her this question, as gently as I could, but her reaction to it gave me the answer I was looking for, and she never even needed to speak. She lowered her head, much like the girl in the video, pinched the bridge of her nose, and started to sob. Ricardo and I sat at the table in stunned silence, not quite knowing what to do or say. Her entire body was heaving from the pain of her still unspoken answer. Finally she pleaded, "Why won't my mother HELP ME!." Her anguished question was the only thing she could get out, she was crying too hard to speak. I put my hand on her back to comfort her, and I lowered my head to her level so she could hear me. "Your mom loves you Mikayla, but YOU choose what you put into your body. You can choose to be different, and you do not have to be fat. Mikayla, you are going to have to work harder at this than most people because you were born heavy, but I PROMISE you that you can make choices that will allow you to be healthy. You are old enough, and strong enough to do this. Your uncle and I do not live here but we will help you in anyway we can. This is YOUR life, and it is going to be hard, but you are not in this alone. You have a huge family, and we all love you and we will do everything thing we can to help you win this battle. YOU have the power to make your life different kiddo, and we will help get you there. I will write you letters and take pictures of things that are good to eat so you know what to ask your mom to buy. This will take some time and a whole lot of work but you are going to be OK."
She stayed there, with her head down for sometime, but I knew that she had heard me, and that she believed me. Her body started to relax, and eventually she sat up tall in her chair. The rest of our lunch was filled with laughter, food, and hope. My niece and nephew were inspired, and I knew that I had a made them both a huge promise that I now needed to keep. I will never forgive myself if my darling niece ends up like the girl in this video, and the TRUTH is that if she does not start making changes now, she WILL be that girl. I was not born fat, but I will always be a fat girl, even if my body no longer reflects it. I know the suffering that accompanies fat, I have been the joke to laugh it away. I ache imagining a lifetime of that torment, and am sickened knowing the psychological damage that is already starting to occur. People are fragile enough without adding more weight to a frame that would just as soon break than bend. As we piled into the car, Brendon looked at me, grinning from ear to ear. "You are the first person to tell us that we can be different, Thank You."
A few days later his dad told me a very funny story about a rotisserie chicken that had been picked clean. He said there was nothing left but bones, and I laughed until I cried. I did tell them they could eat as much chicken as they want, Lord, knows I do. There are many reasons why I now carry a yellow COCK around with me. RUBBER will change people's lives, and I will tell their stories.
I started writing my weight loss story before I joined here. If you would like to follow my adventures you can find us on facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/#!/theadventuresofmyyellowcock
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