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Today was supposed to have been a fasting day, but I am very off-kilter, over-stressed and just out right depressed. I am feeling over loaded with work and can't hardly keep my head above water. And, I'm incredibly annoyed with both of my children's complete lack of motivation academically as well as with their chores around the house. I put my foot down with the 17 year old and am requiring him to get a job. The deal was that as long as he did his chores around the house and kept his grades up then I would pay for his cell phone, car insurance, gas and give him running money---which has been to the tune of about $100 a week on top of the cell bill, insurance and gas. I have to constantly harp on him to turn in his homework, study for tests, and complete his chores. This morning was just the last straw. I decided to cut the umbilical cord and quit wiping his nose for him. I love my son. But I feel taken advantage of. I hate this because it means that if he is working and going to school, there will not be time for him to play football during his senior year of high school. I wanted so badly for him to have that experience and to have his high school years to look back on as fun times. I don't know if I've made the right decision or not. I just feel exhausted and spent. The other one isn't sixteen yet or she would also be in the same boat. I'm just wore out from doing all the time for them and neither of them being motivated to even turn in their own homework on time. The most annoying thing in the world is to have a child who chooses not to even live up to his own potential. How does this have anything to do with "all things food"? Well, it is all I can do to keep from stress eating right now. I am torn between feeling like a shitty parent and having to tell him that he absolutely must become a responsible, contributing citizen. I got my first job when I was 15 and I have worked ever since then. I didn't want that for my son. I wanted him to enjoy high school, be able to focus fully on his academics and extra-curricular activities. I have just decided for myself that I am not going to pay for his college when he doesn't put forth effort himself. I've spent my entire life revolving around him so that I can provide him a future and opportunities that were never offered to me. And, I guess all I managed to do was create a spoiled brat who is clueless about having to work hard to achieve anything in life. I guess he will just have to sink or swim.
View Diet Calendar, 29 January 2014:
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705 kcal
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Fat: 25.73g | Prot: 38.15g | Carbs: 78.53g.
Lunch: Subway 6" Cold Cut Combo, Subway Provolone Cheese. Dinner: Wendy's Chili (Small). Snacks/Other: 3 Musketeers 3 Musketeers Minis. more...
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 Comments
BREATH!!! I just had the last of my 3 daughters move out... so I feel your pain... you are doing good and to be honest your going to make him more responsible in the end... they do have to work out for them selves what it they want in this life. you are here to guide them. not pay for it all.
my oldest and her husband and 2 kids moved back in with us ... and the deal was when they moved in 6 months ago was that i would pay the extra utilities and such and not charge them rent as long as they got their finances in order and at least one of them got a job. to help with the finacial debt they are in (bottem line they needed to work out their shit and get back on their feet)... well 6 months later neither one has a job and I am just supporting them with NOTHING finacially fixed... so how do I move along this process... I am TIRED of paying everyone elses bills as I struggle to pay my own... and not feel bad when it comes to the grandchildren...
so my point is that... your decision was to ive him the opportunity to go to highschool with out the extra responsibility of a job and you can afford that then keep that up. but once school graduation time come... all bets are off.
sit with him now and explain to him the terms upon graduation (what ever you decide) and stick to it ... so many times with parents(myself included) we just want to make it easy for them.. give them it all, buy for them ...but we worked and struggled at young ages and i think we turned out pretty damn good ...ALITTLE STRUGGLE WONT HURT THEM... (this is what i am telling myself)
29 Jan 14 by member: lovies10
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Yes, you are doing the right thing. It is hard, but letting him sink or swim will probably be the best thing you ever do for him.
29 Jan 14 by member: Suzi161
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You're doing your job. And even then, it's just not enough with kids these days; I think there's something in the water.
29 Jan 14 by member: FullaBella
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What are you doing that your son can have $100. a week. I'm 61 but I'll be your daughter.
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I agree its the right thing to do as hard as it is! Even if he falls flat on his face this is a "learning opportunity" for him. Without the things you have been providing it could be a wake up call and force him to prioritize better to get the what he values. It may also allow you to see if some of the things you have benn providing are even a priority to him? You sound like a wonderful parent! They are blessed to have you :)
29 Jan 14 by member: lauraab
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What is he spending $100 a week on? If you are covering his phone, car insurance etc. it doesn't seem like there would be much else. When I was in high school I did extra-curriculars and studied hard but I worked full time during summers and had to stretch that through the school year. I had plenty of fun with friends, but I don't think I spent anywhere near $100 a week. I know I am old, but my high school days weren't *that* long ago. Maybe it's time for him to learn about budgeting and see where his money is going. Maybe he can do football but pass on unneeded items and activities. I definitely wished I had learned about budget planning sooner, because I hate dealing with and thinking about money but sometimes it's ABSOLUTELY necessary to keep track. You may always have less than you want, but it's important to know how much you have and where it went when it all flew away!
29 Jan 14 by member: megmonster
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Hey fellow Momma, sorry to throw unsolicited advice at you, but "Have a new kid by Friday" by Kevin Leman is SUPER. He also wrote one for teens. His books have helped us immensely. Take care of yourself --- kids are hard work. Tough love is tough, but it's still love!! Hang in there-- you got this!!
29 Jan 14 by member: ennaejay
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It sounds like you were trying to steer your son in a certain direction, but maybe he doesn't want to go that way, and that's why you've been struggling with getting him to do things. Just be there for him emotionally and provide for his main needs. If he wants extras, he should work for them - in one way or another.
29 Jan 14 by member: ChristyLA
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The $100 a week has mostly been spent on taking the girlfriend to movies, dinner, flowers, etc. Then of course he goes out to eat all the time himself as well. Some of it I am sure is being blown on custom junk for his car, clothes he doesn't need, and any new gadget he finds. I haven't set down and calculated it all, but I am pretty sure I have been paying him more than I even set aside for myself. I realize it is his life and I am not trying to steer him towards anything other than getting an education. I was a single mom for over a decade. I sacrificed much just to ensure he has a bright future. Getting an education has always been a non-negotiable.
29 Jan 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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I had that son, and still do ,He tried college and it wasn't for him, he was spoiled but I had limits and insisted on honesty all the times. I am a full time student getting my Master's in Psychology and also a stress eater. Tell him he need's to go to junior college ,do his lower level GE and then if he can do that: then you help him transfer. They will get it. My son now works two jobs, He gets up at 6 am and finishes from his second job at 12 am. He tells me thanks for everything and Mom I want to go back to school, because he does manual labor everyday and wants more.
29 Jan 14 by member: Darra
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I read how so many are struggling with keeping the calorie count down, and what I see is so many giving so much of themselves that they have nothing left for them. I used to be like that - used to as in changed that 2 weeks ago when I had a major allergy attack. Out went all vitamins & supplements, out went the 'doing for others' instead of paying attention to me. Out went ALL food (too sick to eat the first day) and now introduce only one food per day to check for allergy reaction. I'm mostly environmentally intolerant, which mostly means my body doesn't handle lots of airborn smells/odors and I pay by losing energy, feeling sick and getting itchy rashes. I am now up to about 600 calories per day with a combination of foods tested and one new food. I know it's not enough, but determined to head for the long run rather than the quick fix that's not always right. Not losing lots of weight, and having the Dr. monitor all my vitals, so hoping I keep my intention of paying attention!
29 Jan 14 by member: Prairie Grandma
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I dont feel experienced enough in this situation to be able to offer too much of value but in my humble opinion I think it would do your son some good to learn how to appreciate the value of a dollar. He will survive work and school, of course he doesnt HAVE to work if he doesnt want cell phone, gas, fast food and car insurance lol. None of us have to work, we just chose it over living in a van down by the river.
30 Jan 14 by member: Annabelle3117
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Even education cannot be forced on a child, because there is the option of him getting his GED. Not that that is what he will do, but you shouldn't control a teenager to do what you want them to do. All you can really do to affect a teenager is to lead by example. Then they make up their own choices. It's his life. But you do have control over whether you provide for his extras or not. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just sharing my opinion of what is realistic, because I don't want you to suffer from giving so much of yourself that you don't take care of you, because it sounds like you're doing too much for him. He's almost an adult. Allow him to make his own choices and learn the value of a dollar, because soon he'll be faced with those responsibilities.
01 Feb 14 by member: ChristyLA
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2Many there are also online high schools that are accredited and really good. I had to pull my younger one out several years ago, he just did not have the motivation, I enrolled him in James Madison, he got his degree and went into the Navy, he is doing well now, there are always options, kids and work can be so trying at times.
01 Feb 14 by member: brucemcguigan
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I disagree, Christy. He lives in my house. He will live under my rules. A GED is absolutely not an option. I have done too much for him and he has been spoiled. I am responsible for that. But, I won't roll over and let a child take the reins. To sit idly back and do nothing would make me responsible for a far worse outcome in my opinion.
Thank you for the suggestion, Bruce. I don't think online school is a good fit for him as I don't believe he is motivated to work at home in an unstructured environment.
01 Feb 14 by member: 2ManyCurves
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2Many I totally agree your house, your rules, the minute you give them a inch they will take you to the cleaners, not that they do it on purpose but you have to stand your ground.
01 Feb 14 by member: brucemcguigan
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